the mad world remains

it really has been an odd couple of days.
i've been sick since new year's day. probably a combination of spending time with multiple people who have been ill in the last week or so, (namely, jill and john [sleeping on their couch twice probably didn't help], and andrew and grace) and the drinking on new year's eve which, i'm guessing, may have taken my immune system down a few notches. oh well, i'm starting to feel a lot better than i did last night, which has been the worst of it, by far. i was slightly upset to have slept through most of jay's birthday deal over here last night, but the two ten year old boys running around wreaking havoc somewhat changed my stance on that. good for them. but, being sick is not what has made it all so weird.
on a side note, being sick has prevented me from going snowboarding with jay today and marke tomorrow. i'm still upset about it, but it was probably good for jay since he was nursing a hangover from his birthday night out and a concussion/laceration from new year's eve *funny story, he cut open his head at the poor house (a bar downtown) and doesn't remember how or even when. he ended up having to go to the ER on saturday night to get some staples put in. i think its hilarious. my parents and grandparents do not...they think he's an alcoholic.* mark is going back up to cu boulder on wednesday to get back into training for track season. i've only gotten to spend time with him twice, so i am still really upset about not being able to go board with him at winter park tomorrow. hopefully, i'll feel better tomorrow sometime so we can go catch a movie or something. mark is probably one of the few people i miss from mullen. others being katie and linds. i think that's about it. wow, aren't i pathetic? oh well, they're the best ones of the bunch.
brian got back from england on saturday. i was happy to get a chance to talk to him for a little bit on saturday, even if it was brief. we had an interesting conversation last night, as always, but things seem a little off. that feeling continued into today, but there really isn't much i can do about it. i've never been good about explaining my thoughts and feelings to people. i can usually talk to brian about them, but something is throwing me off. perhaps it's because of christmas break, my not feeling well, his being so busy, or something entirely different. i'm not sure. i'm also unsure of why i haven't been able to talk to him about it. well, maybe i'm not so unsure about why. i think i know exactly what it has to do with, but that too, seems to be something that i can't really talk to him about. i have these concerns growing inside me. they are all a bit hazy, to say the least. perhaps my anxiety about returning to school in a week has a lot to do with it.
i don't know. i'm done.
i've been thinking and acting somewhat out of character lately. there are a whole mess of reasons as to why and i'm not going to get into them. regardless, i'm full of uncertainty regarding multiple facets of my life. i am usually not one to worry incessantly, but recently, i've been contemplating everything and worrying about most things. very unlike me...usually i sort of just let things ride and see how they turn out. one thing in particular has me really worried, but i am only able to voice my worries on that subject to myself. maybe talking to myself (not audibly) is the first concern. just kidding, i don't care. i have more things to worry about than talking to myself...many more.
yes, i'm done now.