what are you looking for?

i am a total bum. even though i didn't go to class, it feels like its been a really exhausting day. work probably caused most of that...too much chemical inventory, but at least i listen to my music while i'm doing it. i did my homework, in a very half-ass way, but i did it nonetheless.
i feel secluded and cut off from almost everyone. practice and dinner were my only brushes with society tonight, and that was only with three other people. i've found very little comfort in being in my room recently. i feel homeless. these are the few times when i actually miss the familiarity of my room back at home. this room does not feel like a home to me anymore, more just somewhere i'm forced to be when i have nowhere else to go. there is only one place and one person i feel comfortable around anymore. even people that i thought were good friends have turned out making me feel unwanted, just invisible.
"existential angst." perhaps that's where i am right now. its a cycle, it always is. i guess that means that at some point, i'll be out of it, but it sure doesn't look that way from here.
i am my own worst enemy. my self-defeating attitudes kill me.
i need something or someone to cling to. someone to show me that even if this all is futile, that there is something true in this world. someone to fall through the black holes with me, holding my hand, telling me that no matter what happens, there will always be something that transcends it all.
did i just figure it out? i think so. i just need you to be there.
now, what are you looking for?