spreadin out our wings tonight

i'm in a surprisingly good mood, especially for a monday morning.
i'm relaxed. i'm not stressing about anything...not even my history exam tomorrow. i'm not exactly sure where all this is coming from, but i have a pretty good idea.
i hope this lasts for more than just the morning, and i think it may because chem and world lit pose no threat that i know of.
i am worried about the erg race this weekend though. with only one real 2k under my belt, i feel horribly underprepared, not to mention the fact that i haven't been erging consistently and my body feels like its falling apart. my goal at this point is just to finish. sure a medal would be nice, but does it really matter? no, not at all. it will be fun and will be a good experience. hopefully this will create a little bit of team unity before the ice cream social ruins the whole thing.
last night, brian asked me what i blamed for people quitting the team. do i blame the leadership? i didn't answer because i wasn't sure. and i'm still not. i don't think there is one direct person or group of people that can be blamed. i think it probably has a lot to do with leadership, unity, commitment, coaching, and the people themselves (definitely not in that order). i've always had a problem with being one of the most committed people with whatever i do because that's just the way i am. i am always discouraged and depressed when i see people who are not committed to something because it inevitably detracts from the team as a whole and brings everyone down. i guess there may be an upside in that we're getting down to some of the people who are the most committed to the team. that's good, i suppose.
i'm excited for the coming season. i can't wait to get back on the water. seeing carter lake on saturday night, even though it was still frozen, made me happy. being there with four of my closest friends (i think they are anyway) made it amazing. talking about regattas and traveling with kevin, kate, and steph on sunday morning just got me even more excited. of course i'm terrified to no end...i don't think that will ever go away, but the combination of excitement and fear is the best part. (and that just reminds me of armageddon) i can't wait. thinking about it gives me this very uneasy feeling like i need to get up and start running to get some of the energy out.
i'll have to attempt to try and gather my thoughts coherently later on today.