apathy

sometimes, it just doesn't work...
today, i'm talking specifically about situations going on at mullen. first (the lesser of the two), the womens' soccer program at mullen has steadily been declining since the end of my freshman year. it was bearable sophomore year, a little less so junior year, and so bad last year that i quit before the season really got into full swing. i am so glad i'm not there now though. there has never been a sport at mullen that required the students to have to pay in order to play (not including uniforms, fundraising, etc) ...until now. they're having the girls pay $100 per player in order to play. that is outrageous. i can't even believe it. and, to top it all off, they're going to get their asses kicked in 5A this year after having chased away 5 returning starters. the news is out to prospective students too...if they want soccer, they're not going to go to mullen anymore. ridiculous.
the next, and much more important issue is that of the mullen debate team, which is also dying. with no CX teams qualled to state and only a few in events and LD, the reign of mullen as a dominant speech and debate team. with sferra almost entirely out of the program already, and thornton on his way out because of the way the kids acted this year, there's not going to be a team left. despite being horrible drunk children in 2001, we didn't chase any coaches away...but, somehow these kids have managed it. they had to leave canon city in the middle of the tournament because a bunch of stupid freshmen were saying horribly offensive and degrading things and tried to start a fight with a d. east kid. it pisses me off. i know i'm partly to blame though. and mark, chris, and jamison are as well. we should have gone back to get kids to join the team and helped them with cases and worked harder to get them to camp, WFI at least, the way brian, john, and vora did for us. it's horrible. i don't want to be reponsible for the end of the program, but i know i am.
this is when i wish apathy worked. why couldn't i just say that i don't have to worry about it since i'm gone and what could i really have done considering i go to school in omaha? i can't do that though. blegh. i hate that feeling...guilt, regret, and sadness all rolled into one.
i'll keep that feeling, since there doesn't seem to be anything i can do in the two days that i am here.

so, i just have tonight, tomorrow, and saturday during the day before i leave. i didn't get to go snowboarding with jill and brian today like i had hoped due to numerous circumstances. that was slightly disappointing, but i should've just gone up by myself this morning like my logic told me too, so i have no one to blame, really. even so, i got a lot of things accomplished today that i wouldn't have been able to do at all this week if i had gone up the hill. i was able to finish (hopefully) sorting through my tubs of debate evidence, deciding what to keep for me, what to keep to take over to what's left of the mullen CX'ers, and what to take over to the recycling dealie tonight. i also had lunch with brian, jill, john, and glue. i almost got eaten by linus when i was at their house...that was the closest he's ever come. sweet. then, i drove over to mullen where i heard of all the bad things, but also got to talk to the people i miss the most - terri, ms. langfur (especially), mr. thornton, and mr. hilbert. i didn't get a chance to talk to habes, schwall, mr. carrejo, or mr. craig, but i spent far more time there than i had planned to anyway. oh well, i'm sure i'll be going back to mullen for the rest of my life, as much as i claimed i disliked it (i disliked the students mostly, not the teachers). i saw katie in the parking lot waiting to pick up tarah when i was leaving. i was really glad i saw her, even if it was only for a few minutes. i wish i could help her. i should be a better friend and go over there tonight...i'll try to do that. then, i went over to pinehurst, saw bob and clarke, and left my phone number for ben this time, instead of matt, who apparently sucks at calling people he's supposed to be hiring, or not. i'll go over there tomorrow after i pick up my computer (YAY!) from john since ben is supposed to be working all day. i really got to try to talk him into making me a supervisor. bailey would probably work hard to prevent that, but since ashton's leaving for good (or so he says) and ashton was the only reason he was weary about re-hiring me (at least the only one he gave me over christmas break when i went in to talk to him), i don't see why he wouldn't. aside from ashton, the only problem they ever had with me was that one day when kellen was fucking around and we both got written up for it...freaking ridiculous. i guess i can't bitch until i know for sure what's going to happen. luckily ben likes me...oh, and maybe jack will be there. i'd like to see him again. he's probably my favorite person at pinehurst, aside from his horribly degrading and sexist comments (which i'm sure are true, but i still think he's a decent guy). i'm definitely ok with working at pinehurst again this summer, especially since luke and ashton will be gone, given that i can get another job (preferably, working admin at swedish at night, if jay's friend can hook me up). this summer can be alright if i have enough work to keep me occupied, making enough money to last me through next year, and if, and only if, i get to see brian more
than once or twice.
random thought for the day. my vices this week: sugar (because it's so accessible, specifically brownies francie made for us and mountain dew right out in the garage) and not working out at all. horrible, absolutely horrible.
that was a long one. i can't wait until i'm back in omaha. just over 48 hours left...