hard times

sometimes i don't think my eyes are open at all. is now one of those times? has it been for awhile? even when i'm trying to figure it all out, i can't. what is the point anyway if i never get it right?

there is too much pain, stress, and anxiety in this world, this society we live in. too much hurt. too much death. too much anguish over things that hide the truly beautiful and amazing things like life, nature, and love. is there something to be done about this? could we change it if we tried or are we stuck with no choice in the matter whatsoever? i've found that it is difficult to change things just for myself because of the amount of people it would require changing, and that number is so insignificant relative to the number of people on the planet...it must be impossible. i don't want to believe it. i'll keep hoping that one day we may all just wake up and realize that it doesn't have to be this way. call me naive, if you wish and then recognize your resigned, given up self.

maybe i am naive. is that bad? is it making things worse? is it people like me who perpetuate an ideal that is doomed to never become reality?

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i talked to a friend todaty. not an old friend, not a new friend. just a friend i haven't talked to in a couple weeks. i miss her. she has such great insight. she knows what to say to keep me inspired. "you're pretty darn stubborn..." you're damn right i am. i won't give up. i will stick with it. thanks, kate. you're just what i needed.

tomorrow is the last day of my six-day consecutive work week. five days in a row has started to take it out of me, but only one more...then an entire day off, which i intend to spend at least part of catching up with katie. i have no doubt that she'll be just what i need, too. she has a way of doing that. i am certainly blessed with such good friends. i need to avoid taking advantage of that.

i'll continue taking up my time with music, reading, crew stuff, and more attempts at cleaning/organizing my room. my hope is that those small things will eventually add up to the 95 days i have left here. luckily, i have a few things to look forward to and you are most of them.