you're pushing me

pushing me somewhere i don't think i want to be, but i'm not sure anymore.

sure, it may be impossible, but it's still there. every single day i go, it's there.

joking? i don't know anymore. even if it is, does it really matter?

i don't want this. i want it to go back to normal. why did he have to say anything? i wouldn't have ever thought about it, ever...but not now. now, it's always there. always.

it all seems so futile anyway. will i ever be happy?

"sure seems the same, with a different name
...
and you can either sink or swim, things are looking pretty grim"

i can't keep going through this night after night. what the hell is the point anymore?

one day...i'm going to get to the point where i lose all the will to deal with this.