day off.

yes, i have today off. it feels like the first day off in a long time even though i had friday off. i've worked more than three consecutive days already this summer, but these last three seemed to last forever. saturday it poured all morning, but the shotgun (well, some of the shotgun) went out and played anyway. it was a pain in the ass and it felt like it would never stop raining. they decided to cancel the first round of the pine cooler that was supposed to go off at 1, so we got everything closed up. will, steven, and i went to eat before we left, while the pros all went out to play a round in the rain. it finally stopped raining at 1:30 and turned into a beautiful afternoon even though the forecast had called for no rain in the morning and lots of thunderstorms in the afternoon...way to go forecasters! the format of the pine cooler was changed on sunday since the first round was cancelled. a better ball shotgun at 9am and then a shoot out for the top two teams from every flight (of 10 flights) was at 2:30. i had to stay late to wait for matt press to show up (as usual) and then as i was about to leave, bailey asked me to be spotter for his side of the shootout. basically, i got to drive out in front of play and make sure everyone could find their ball. i did that for the first few holes, but evetually there were so many people watching the shootout that i wasn't doing anything. so then i just started driving around and then when jessica ("the beer babe" as all those sick members call her) came out, i drove around with her watching and drinking gatorade from the cart. it was pretty sweet to get paid for watching golf and drinking free gatorade and eating free snickers. i finally left right around 5, so i worked 5:45am-5pm. i came home and slept because we opened at 5 yesterday. yesterday was pretty chaotic. somehow i ended up getting out of doing some of the stressful stuff because i had to drive out with jeff to take the car and signs out on the course before the first shotgun. between the first and second shotguns, i had to go pick up the proxies and signs from the first and put out the proxies for the second, which kept me occupied for awhile. james freaked out at me, but ben was on my side, so it was ok. i showed the new girl, catherine, around while the second shotgun was out. we ate, got lots of slushies, bugged the guys playing the 9 hole, talked to ben, jeff, and bob, talked to jessica, and pretty much just drove around the course. she's pretty cool. a little quiet, but i know i didn't say much on my first and second days last year. my schedule for the rest of the week is 12-close wednesday on men's guest day, open on thursday, open saturday, and close sunday.
there are a lot of thoughts chasing each other around my head right now. i can't really separate one from the other either. i had some crazy dreams last night. i'm not sure if it was something i ate or if i was just exhausted or something. one of them was really good, but entirely illogical. another was scary as hell, but i couldn't wake myself up from it. it just kept going and going. each dream shows one end of the spectrum of my thoughts right now. everything else seems to be in the middle of these two things, with some clear thoughts coming to me on each one and muddling the rest in the blurry middle. but at the same time, each one on the end is blurry in its own way. a way much more complex and aggravating than all the other crap.
i have come to realize how much of a loser i really am. my days and nights revolve around work. when i'm not working, i'm bored off my ass and seem to not get anything productive done. i miss being at work when i'm not there. i miss working with the people i like, talking to the members, doing something that in some way actually matterws, but most of all, i miss talking and hanging out with the guys in the pro shop. they are all really great guys. i am still upset that i wasn't able to say goodbye to clarke. he was doing pine cooler stuff when i left on sunday and then when i called to say bye to him later, he was already off for the night. apparently there's supposed to be some bbq, but i'm not so sure. i guess we'll see. i am starting to like bob so much more than i used to. he can be really nice and relatively funny. he did freak out on me yesterday, but he calmed down later. ben and jack are still my favorites out of all of them. jeff is up there too. i think lara and i are going to play golf together at some point...that will be fun. yes, i am a loser. i don't want to talk about it anymore.
today i think i am going to go lay out at the pool. i need some color on everything besides what shows at work, which is pretty much just my forearms and sometimes my legs, but rarely. other than that, i have absolutely no idea. katie and i are going to try to go see cinderella man tonight. we'll see if it works out.