back

i have returned from iowa city. that is really all i have to report before i go do homework, unpack, and pass out only to wake up at 7:30am to shower and head to physics, biology, and work.

1100 miles and i'm not sure what else

well, i survived the trip to denver and back in less than a day. it may or may not have been worth it.

the concert itself was amazing. the opening band, wovenhand, was interesting. the drummer was pretty kickass, so i enjoyed that aspect of it at least. i enjoyed calexico's set because they had two trumpeteers who were damn good. one of them also played the accordion, which is so rare that it was probably my favorite part of that set. iron and wine was amazing. he played my absolute favorite song (naked as we came) and another of one of my top five favorites (the trapeeze swinger), so i was quite satisfied. the last set was iron and wine and calexico together. i wasn't really excited about it until the last three songs, which all were really good. my only problem is that i can't find the name for one of them, so i'm stressing about that. overall, the concert was good. it would have been better with a little help from ben or paulie, but that was entirely impossible given the circumstances.

the trip was long and aggravating. i was invisible. given the choice, i'm not sure i would do it again except for to see iron and wine play.

being back in denver again, even for only a few hours, was pretty hard for me. i'm not used to going home and not being able to see my family and friends (even though my friends are pretty much limited to pinehurst people). it was a great big tease, and that's incredibly annoying.

i got most of my midterm papers and exams back this week. i did decent on most of them. 80% on my bio research paper first draft. 89% on my world lit exam. 81.5% on my native american studies exam. i only did average on my ethics exam, but i got a b+ on the paper, so that evened it out.

my big projects/exams for the rest of the semester include:
physics exam - november 3rd
final draft of the biology research paper - due november 16th
biology exam - november 21st
physics lab project - report due november 22nd, presentation december 6th
native american studies culture area - presentation december 6th
world lit term paper - due finals week

lots to do, lots to do.

iowa city this weekend. and the best part is that tomorrow is friday already!

today and the rest of the week.

today went by relatively quickly. class and work were fine, although work was a little boring. practice was stressful (a bad row and i apparently lost my mind for the time we were on the water). not having my sunglasses was annoying because the sun was in a bad spot, especially when it came time to dock. luckily, my dad shipped them today. hopefully i'll get them by friday at the latest. i'm also anxiously awaiting the arrival of my shoes, which lara said should come soon, but i'll try not to hold my breath.

the spring schedule of courses came out today and i spent a good half hour or forty-five minutes deciding what classes i want to take. my schedule will be difficult, but i think i'll survive.

monday/wednesday/friday
8:30 - physics, duda
9:30 - latin II, bakewell
10:30 - sickness, healing, and disability in the bible, calef
11:30 - biology, burke

tuesday
9:30 - physics lab
12:30 - english literature I, fajardo-acosta

thursday
8:00 - biology lab
12:30 - english literature I, fajardo-acosta
4:00 - physics recitation, duda

and i think i will work in the lab monday, wednesday, and friday afternoons from 1-3 or so.

i'm excited for the english lit class because we should be reading some good works since it is focused on medieval/renaissance literature, also because i have heard only good things about fajardo-acosta...and because steph's going to take it as well. the rest are pretty much all just classes i have to get done with at some point. it will be a tough semester, but it seems like every semester i have left will be just as difficult.

the few things i have to look forward to this week:
iron & wine concert on wednesday (denver - fillmore auditorium, 7:30pm)
head of the iowa on sunday (iowa city)

i still don't know what i'm doing and the thought of dropping out of school to play golf becomes ever more appealing as the days go by. on a side note, it makes me sad to think that jack is doing what he wants to do with his life, but now he might have to give it up because he has a kid on the way (i hope its a girl...we'll know soon enough) and he doesn't get paid enough to work at pinehurst. the realization that people have to give up things they love really makes me doubt this world. i will cry if jack doesn't work at pinehurst anymore. it will be incredibly depressing without him there. enough of things that make me sad...

i don't want to be anywhere

i was ready to get out of denver until late yesterday afternoon when i realized that part of what i was looking for had just been delayed a little bit.

the week ended badly with paul. he pretty much blew me off on friday night, which was even worse because i had told my grandma i couldn't go to the symphony with her because i had plans with paul. i wasn't lying...i thought paul and i did have plans, but he apparently didn't think too highly of them.

the golf part of the week ended horribly as well. lara and i were supposed to play in the mission impossible tournament on saturday morning, but when we got there, they had given our spot away to someone else. we warmed up and decided to play the nine hole instead, which was fine. but, after number two, lara decided she was too hungover to play anymore, so we went and found the guys on number four and said goodbye. (ben had an awesome drive and putt with bob's approach shot in the middle to grab the eagle.) i dropped lara off at her house and went back home to take care of my laundry and some packing. i stopped by target on my way down to pinehurst to negotiate a price for the ping irons with bob-o. i think i got there at about 4:30 or so and i bought the clubs (for way too much, especially since i won't get to use them until thanksgiving break at the earliest, if i'm lucky). bob left and ben was closing alone, so i figured i would hang around for a little bit to keep him company since i hadn't seen him all week. i figured i would leave by 6 to go finish packing and all that, but i checked while i was there and the train was already three hours late. i stayed to help ben close up the shop and then we went out and had one of our typical talks after relaxing a little bit. it felt just like this summer again.

talking to him was exactly what i needed. he's a great guy and he really knows what to say me when i'm feeling crappy like i have been. i wish i could remember everything he said to me...oops. at about eight, he had to go pick up julian and nicky and i had to go finish packing and head off to the train station, so he gave me a hug and we left. finally, something had gone right in the course of nine days. those few hours with ben at a place where i feel like i belong were enough to make me not want to leave again. there are times when i think that i could drop out of school and try to get into the pro program (although, i'm not nearly good enough at golf) and work at a golf course the rest of my life and be entirely happy.

the train didn't end up leaving until after midnight. i spent about an hour and a half in the train station with a guy i met from pittsburgh named derrick who caught my attention because he was playing some dmb on his guitar. he's an incredibly interesting guy who had graduated college really quickly and was now traveling all over the us, basically going wherever he feels like. sounds like a cool life...not having any commitments and being free to do what you want. i wish.

i can't decide if i'm happy being back here or not. living with people i don't know and don't really like. letting something i thought i loved stress me out beyond belief. spending time thinking about the past. not being able to focus on the reason i'm here. being lonely all the time, even when i'm with people i like. not knowing if the reason i'm here is even what i really want to be doing. wanting to be somewhere else as long as it isn't here.
being home is not much better though. am i stuck trying to pick the thing that sucks the least? the lesser of two evils? is that how i'm destined to spend the rest of my life? or just the rest of college?

i'm scared and alone.

"it sounds like you're spending time trying to figure out why the world sucks so much." -brp

day seven

its finally over.

today was mildly productive, but not fun at all.

after being yelled at by my mom with my dad watching (as usual), i went over to pinehurst to give ben the money that i owe him, but not surprisingly at all, he wouldn't take it. i'll give it to him somehow. lara and i are going to play in the 10am shotgun tomorrow (with the mission impossible tournament, but not in it). i'm excited because i think a lot of members i haven't gotten to see should be playing in it, so it will be fun. luckily for lara and i, lee (course superintendant) didn't agree to change the course for the tournament, so it won't be impossible like they were going for...which would be tees as far back as possible and pin placements right on the edge of greens or on slopes, etc. bob-o went a little crazy this year. either way, it should be fun.

i left pinehurst and ran by jamba juice, and then i had to hurry over to steven's studio to meet everyone for our family pictures (woohoo!). somewhat of a disaster, but oh well. we'll see how they turn out. after that, i came home and finally got some homework done. i started and finished the book i was supposed to read for philosophy. i'm not nearly as far with my homework as i should be, but its break, so i'm not going to worry about it too much.

paul is an ass and he keeps proving it to me on a daily basis. i'm not going to get into it though.

ben, as usual, hasn't answered his phone all night...so much for that. these guys make me want to never believe anything anyone says ever again. seriously. in the words of phoebe, "rotten, rotten boys."

yes, the evening has ended horribly. what a great way to spend my last night at home. you would think that i would stop getting excited to come back here because it never goes well. someday i will give up.

i'll be back in omaha soon, relieved because i'll be away from my insane friends and family, but missing being here because i'll be back to being stressed about everything because my life sucks so much. i just can't wait. i really need to figure this all out.

not now, time to sleep.

sour apple martinis

that and some mike's.

hung out with jill and brian after i got away from my family (freaking crazy people). met brian's friend, rich...his replacement for john (another exuberant gay guy). cool guy. lots of fun. very straighforward.

sometimes i scare myself, but i always seem to get home ok. remembering all the times this summer definitely scares me. it made no sense. we were so worried about people being ok to drive home when, really, none of us were ok to drive. but we always did. we've been lucky. i hope we don't press our luck too much.

ben really is alive. it was good to see him and bob-o today. although, bob was stressed out and i could tell (it probably didn't help that i sort of made fun of his sweater vest...oops). i played horrendously except for my tee shots. i was cranking the ball whenever i used my driver (save one or two tee shots). dr. cullen, who i joined up with on number four because the pace was so incredibly slow, was angry with me because i was out-driving him on nearly every hole and said that i shouldn't be playing the four cone. he can deal with it as far as i'm concerned...especially since i hadn't played golf for over two months. i played off the fairway decently. i chipped like crap (as usual) and putted terribly (which is usually the strongest part of my game). i played 12 holes and then stopped for a few reasons (dr. cullen was pissing me off, i was playing so bad, and i had a very large pulsating blister on my right thumb). it was fun though. and i think lara and i are going to play on saturday. i won't hold my breath though.

i had hoped to see ben tonight, but that didn't happen because he didn't go downtown and ended up still having nicky out when i talked to him at 10:30ish. i'll see him at pinehurst tomorrow at the least, but perhaps again before i leave if i'm lucky.

now, its time for bed because instead of snowboarding tomorrow (a-basin decided the weather has been too warm the last few days, so now they're going to open on saturday or sunday), we're doing crappy family-type stuff. ooh, i can't wait. all i know at this point is that we'll be taking "family pictures" at some point. they'll be horrible, but oh well. and apparently the goal is to spend some time with joan, steven, andrew, and grace...but that usually means that weend up with andrew and grace while joan and steven go off and do their own stuff. we'll see what happens tomorrow though.

fall break is coming to an end and i haven't gotten anything accomplished yet. i still need to...
do homework (required: NAS, ethics, some world lit, and some physics)
get my halloween costume (perhaps i'll get it back in omaha though...we'll see)
get golf clubs from pinehurst (didn't happen today because bob was in a meeting with matt when i was leaving the club)
jamba juice

that may be it, but i doubt it.

good night and good luck.

it's wednesday

and with wednesday comes the realization that i haven't really done much so far this week. i've slept, watched movies, and relaxed some, but other than that, i haven't really accomplished anything.

today, i went to lunch with jill (olive garden...mmm), which was good. we don't really ever get to spend very much time together. it can be akward sometimes because neither of us has sisters, so we're not really used to it, but it is getting better, which is good because i think she will be my sister-in-law soon enough. after i dropped her off back at their house, i drove over to pinehurst. i spent about an hour there talking to everyone. it was good to be back in the place where i spent 90% of my summer. it was good to talk to matt and he says the pings will probably be mine once he talks to bob-o about it tomorrow. jack, lara, and dave were the only ones there, which was ok, but i am really looking forward to seeing bob and ben again. i had forgotten how much i missed them all until i walked in the door today. i'm going to play golf tomorrow (paul's on crutches, so he's just going to drive the cart). and then lara and i might play on friday since it's her birthday (she's turning 24...its weird that she's the same age as brian is). i might also be snowboarding on friday if a-basin is open, so i'm not sure what's going to happen. i guess i'll just have to wait and see how it turns out.

i'm supposed to be hanging out with paul tonight, if he ever calls me (that kid has serious issues using technology sometimes). apparently i'm also going to a movie with my parents tonight (when i told my mom i wanted to see proof, i meant just with her since we had seen the play together, but it may be better that my dad comes along since she's pissed at me and he is all sad because he doesn't think i've spent any time with him). the truth is that i haven't spent any time with anyone really. i just don't have the heart to tell them that i didn't come home for fall break to hang out with them. but, i don't think i will be coming home when i don't have to anymore because i don't want to deal with this shit anymore. they guilt me whenever they have the chance. the moment is rapidly approaching when i will freak out from all the guilt trips and tell them i didn't come home to spend every minute with them. it's seriously getting on my nerves.

for example, my mom got all pissed at me today because she asked me if i wanted soup for lunch and i told her i was going to lunch with jill. she freaked out and went upstairs and got in the shower (leaving the soup to boil over...which i'm sure she blamed on me). it is so frustrating. i feel like i'm going to explode just thinking about all the shit they've been giving me. and they've even been complaining to jay about it. last night, i told brian i would go hang out with him (and fenway) after i ate dinner with jay and my dad, so after i left, my dad apparently freaked out to jay about how he doesn't understand why i don't want to hang out with him. that's nice and all, but jesus, i didn't spend much time with them the entire summer when i was at work or hanging out with alyssa, ben, jeff, lara, and paul...i have no idea why they expected me to spend an entire week with them when i came home this time. if i had known they were going to take a week off and were expecting me to be with them every minute of the day, i would have told them not to take the time off work, or to go on vacation alone.

yep, this is pissing me off too much. my head is going to explode. i've gotta go distract myself with something else before i freak out. and now i'm not relaxed at all...just frustrated. argh! i don't want to come home anymore just so i don't have to deal with them, but of course i want to come home...i'm a colorado girl and that's not going to change. i love my parents to death, they're just driving me crazy this week. being home makes me realize that there is no way i could ever go to school in colorado. i think i'll be staying at creighton no matter what.

time to do some homework, i think.

sound familiar?

i'm awake, you're still sleeping
the sun will rise like yesterday
everything that we are now
is everything we can't let go
or it's gone forever far away

i hope tomorrow is like today
like today

don't you go away tomorrow
i don't think i could handle that
you're probably dreaming that you're
flying on, then
you start to fall
but then you rise
and shine forever
don't go away

i hope tomorrow is like today
i hope tomorrow is like today
like today
i hope tomorrow is like today
i hope tomorrow is like today

sometimes all it takes is a little simplicity

yes, simplicity.

last night was a bad night. overall. not much else to say about it other than that. i want to forget it. only pain and realization and more pain.

today was good make-up for last night. i slept in a little bit then hacked around online some. i finally got the energy to take a shower. my parents left, so i went upstairs and threw in the two towers because i remembered that steph and i had watched the fellowship a long time ago, so it was time for the next movie. i fell asleep halfway through the movie, then woke up about 45 minutes later, went back to the chapter i fell asleep at, and continued on. after it was over, i did 5 minutes of hacking, then resigned and watched some of the broncos game...boo broncos for winning, especially boo san diego for beating the raiders. after that, i watched a little bit of the return of the king and then we ended up going out to dinner with my whole family. of course, there was drama...like there always is. at least we're consistent. driving myself to dinner was a good idea because i was able to remove myself from the restaurant very quickly and headed over to jack's house where i was finally able to relax.

he's a good guy. hearing about everything he has to deal with (new house, kid on the way, finding a job that will pay him enough) makes me realize that i'm supposed to be having fun while i can. and i'm most certainly not. i need to work on it. i don't want to grow up yet. i need to relax.

"every living thing on earth dies alone"

i wish it were different. maybe it is, maybe it isn't. everything i've seen thus far leads me to believe it isn't different. we don't care about each other. on the way home, i wanted to jerk the wheel just to see what happened because i didn't care. i would have been content.

i'm going downhill. and i'll try to enjoy the ride down as much as i can.

would you be there if it happened? would you cry? would you care? or is it all just an obligation to some abstract ideal?

too much pain, not enough time

i thought i had it all figured out, but the i sit down now and i have no idea what even happened. i really don't know.

it hurts too much though. i do know that.

some other things i think i know...

i can't be alone. i can't do it by myself. i need someone to help me through the days, nights, weeks, and however long i have left in this horrible place.

i can't be with someone. i'm too scared of losing them, of being left on my own again. and it's inevitable. it happens every time. i hold on too tight and don't know how to let go, even just a little bit. it has nothing to do with not being independent enough or depending on someone else for my own happiness. i'm just too scared.

i'm destined to lose the people i love. it has never happened any other way. i don't hold on enough and they're taken from me before i even realize it, or i hold on too much and push them away. the end result is always the same: i'm alone.

i don't know where i belong. i want to be somewhere away from everyone else. i don't know where home is, but it isn't here. not now.

i'm lost. i'm alone. i can't depend on anyone.

human are inherently selfish. we don't care about other people unless it affects us in some way.

we are all destined to be alone. there's no way around it. when i think about it, i don't want to live anymore of this life where i am doomed to be alone. i don't want to be forced to delude myself either...that's no better than pain.


i don't know if i will last much longer. this is all too hard. i don't understand how people can be so falsely happy. i won't be made a fool.

i don't know what the answer is. how do i deal with the rest of time?

there is no answer. it is all futile. there is no point. we all die in the end. everything between birth and death is just filler.

going home

in less than two hours, i hope to be on a train headed for denver. i hope to be in denver by 9am tomorrow. i am ready to be home again. ready to be away from all this here. away from the drama. the stress. the tests and papers. the fighting when all i really want is for everything to be alright.

don't expect too much. that's all i can do.

most important things for this week:
relax
sleep
catch up on some homework
have just a little bit of fun
enjoy the small moments...every one.

oddly enough, these are all things i should be doing everyday here, not just while i'm at home. that's something to think about.

but now, i must finish packing. more musing to come soon...

now it really is three down...midterms, that is.

as predicted, the day went by extraordinarily quickly as things have a habit of doing when you're running from one thing to another. i am so glad that today is over.

i woke up late because my alarm didn't go off (apparently i disabled it last night when i was trying to set it...oops) and i thought i was doomed to have a horrible day. i got dressed, threw on my red sox hat, and ran out the door. the ethics exam was alright. it took me about 25 minutes to do the 50 multiple choice questions. we'll see how i end up though. after some studying, i took a shower, ate some food, and headed off for native american studies and world lit. the NAS exam was easier than i had anticipated, so that was good. my essay was not as good as i would have hoped, but i will continue to contend that the question was flawed. world lit was long, but necessitated only surface-level analysis, so it wasn't bad considering i didn't really study for it. after world lit, i went and hung out with steph for about 20 minutes, then i grabbed my stuff for physics and walked over to hixson lied. for one of the first times ever in that class, i actually understood what was going on. i hope it shows in my quiz grade.

all i have to do tonight is study for biology. it really should be a bigger deal to me, but i'm so burnt out that i am not even worried about it at this point. i have another chapter and a half to read, and then i'll look over notes, old exams, and my study guides.

i am incredibly excited to go home tomorrow night. i know that, as usual, i'm getting overly excited and i will probably end up being disappointed in the end. that's the way it always happens, yet i can never prevent myself from getting excited for it. i made ben and jack promise to play golf with me while i'm home, so hopefully i can guilt them into that once or twice. i'm excited to see if matt's decided to sell me the ping clubs or not. if he has, it will be a test of my will not to buy the R5 since i don't think i have an extra $250 to spend on it. we'll see though. it will be really hard not to buy it. i do need to start being more careful with my money, especially since jay and i are going to look at cars while i'm home. i'll have to buy my own by next fall anyway, so why not look now? my dad will freak out as soon as he realizes what's going on, but oh well. its inevitable...i can't be without my own car for much longer.

the plan for tonight...
read some bio
dinner with the team
more bio reading/studying
packing/relaxing? (doubtful...it will probably have to wait until tomorrow)

tomorrow...
8:30-9:20 physics
9:30-10:20 bio exam
10:25-1:30 work in the lab
3:45-6 practice

things i have to get done before i leave...
pack
figure out homework over break
finalize qwest center stuff
say the things i'm keeping myself from saying

now it really is three down...midterms, that is.

as predicted, the day went by extraordinarily quickly as things have a habit of doing when you're running from one thing to another. i am so glad that today is over.

i woke up late because my alarm didn't go off (apparently i disabled it last night when i was trying to set it...oops) and i thought i was doomed to have a horrible day. i got dressed, threw on my red sox hat, and ran out the door. the ethics exam was alright. it took me about 25 minutes to do the 50 multiple choice questions. we'll see how i end up though. after some studying, i took a shower, ate some food, and headed off for native american studies and world lit. the NAS exam was easier than i had anticipated, so that was good. my essay was not as good as i would have hoped, but i will continue to contend that the question was flawed. world lit was long, but necessitated only surface-level analysis, so it wasn't bad considering i didn't really study for it. after world lit, i went and hung out with steph for about 20 minutes, then i grabbed my stuff for physics and walked over to hixson lied. for one of the first times ever in that class, i actually understood what was going on. i hope it shows in my quiz grade.

all i have to do tonight is study for biology. it really should be a bigger deal to me, but i'm so burnt out that i am not even worried about it at this point. i have another chapter and a half to read, and then i'll look over notes, old exams, and my study guides.

i am incredibly excited to go home tomorrow night. i know that, as usual, i'm getting overly excited and i will probably end up being disappointed in the end. that's the way it always happens, yet i can never prevent myself from getting excited for it. i made ben and jack promise to play golf with me while i'm home, so hopefully i can guilt them into that once or twice. i'm excited to see if matt's decided to sell me the ping clubs or not. if he has, it will be a test of my will not to buy the R5 since i don't think i have an extra $250 to spend on it. we'll see though. it will be really hard not to buy it. i do need to start being more careful with my money, especially since jay and i are going to look at cars while i'm home. i'll have to buy my own by next fall anyway, so why not look now? my dad will freak out as soon as he realizes what's going on, but oh well. its inevitable...i can't be without my own car for much longer.

the plan for tonight...
read some bio
dinner with the team
more bio reading/studying
packing/relaxing? (doubtful...it will probably have to wait until tomorrow)

tomorrow...
8:30-9:20 physics
9:30-10:20 bio exam
10:25-1:30 work in the lab
3:45-6 practice

things i have to get done before i leave...
pack
figure out homework over break
finalize qwest center stuff
say the things i'm keeping myself from saying

three days down. i wish it felt like that.

usually during midterm week, i would be ecstatic to have three days down and only two to go until i'm off for a week, but this semester, i'm absolutely dreading the next two days. tomorrow i have three midterms: ethics, native american studies, and world lit. aside from that, i have a huge masting physics assignment due tomorrow as well as physics resuscitation (meaning group work and a quiz) after it all. it is going to be a long day. but even longer than that will be my afternoon/evening tonight in preparation for tomorrow...

now-3:35 ~ intense studying and mastering physics-ing
3:45-7 ~ practice and team dinner
7:15 ~ executive meeting
8:00 ~ team meeting
9 until i pass out ~ intense studying and mastering physics-ing

thursday will be busy like it always is. thursday night will be devoted to studying biology for the midterm on friday. after bio, friday will just be work and then practice.

hopefully, i'll be taking the train home friday night instead of waiting until saturday to get a ride back to denver with some family.

i can't wait...so much so that i've gotta go get started now in hopes of salvaging some time for sleep later tonight.

Musings on a Thursday Evening

It has been an incredibly busy week. All I've done for the last four days since we got back from Oklahoma is sleep, homework, class, crew practice, and a little bit of eating. I haven't had more than 10-15 spare minutes between any of it. On the bright side, I knew that once I made it through today that I would have a small break before Midterms next week. Well, I made it to today. A little bruised and a little battered. Tired, but still alive. I've had some rough patches along the way, but I've also had some defining moments of clarity. I now see a very important person in my life much better than I have in a long time and that by itself lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I just hope we can continue this trend and make up for what we've lost.

I'm struggling with a lot of issues in my life right now. The thought that I'm going to have to decide what I'm going to do with my life by the end of this year scares me beyond belief. I'm still trying to decide if I belong here in Omaha. Is medicine really what I want to do? And if it is, is it a realistic dream? Will I be able to cut it for the next two years of undergrad? I don't even want to think about the MCAT and applying for medical school. I've already heard too many scary stories of 4.0 GPA students getting rejected by every school they apply to. I keep telling myself not to think about it because it always makes me feel ill, but I'm really going to have to start to figure stuff out soon. But tonight, I'm not going to think about it. I just don't have the energy after the week I've had so far.

I'm incredibly excited to be home in a little over a week. I cannot wait to be back in Denver for a whole week. Golf, some relaxing, old friends, my own bed, free laundry...ahhh. It will be great. The Wednesday after Fall Break, Brian, Sandy, Kevin, and I are going to drive out to Denver for the Iron and Wine concert. It will be a tough day and a half with two eight hour drives back to back, but it should be a good concert. And then we have the Head of the Iowa the weekend of Halloween, which is always a fun regatta. The Frostbite Regatta is the week after that in Wichita. Not to mention, OAR is playing at Creighton on November 4th. And the the best part...DAVE MATTHEWS BAND on November 27th at the Qwest Center after a Thanksgiving spent at home. Then once finals are over, I'll be home again for 26 days...too bad there's not too much chance of golfing over Christmas break.

Seeing all the things I have to look forward to in the next two months makes me realize how I need to focus on the good things in life, rather than letting the crap depress me too much. I've been reading bits and pieces of a great book I haven't read in a long time whenever I have a couple minutes to spend trying to calm myself down. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. I was first introduced to this book by my favorite teacher ever, Ms. Langfur. I still remember her reading excerpts to us before biology class in high school.

Some good lines...
"Accept the past as past, without denying or discarding it."
"Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others."
"Most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do."
"Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long."

And then a song I listened to today that really hit me...
"And this is our last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone alone
And I've, and I've never been so alive"
Motorcycle Drive By, Third Eye Blind