Musings on a Thursday Evening

It has been an incredibly busy week. All I've done for the last four days since we got back from Oklahoma is sleep, homework, class, crew practice, and a little bit of eating. I haven't had more than 10-15 spare minutes between any of it. On the bright side, I knew that once I made it through today that I would have a small break before Midterms next week. Well, I made it to today. A little bruised and a little battered. Tired, but still alive. I've had some rough patches along the way, but I've also had some defining moments of clarity. I now see a very important person in my life much better than I have in a long time and that by itself lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I just hope we can continue this trend and make up for what we've lost.

I'm struggling with a lot of issues in my life right now. The thought that I'm going to have to decide what I'm going to do with my life by the end of this year scares me beyond belief. I'm still trying to decide if I belong here in Omaha. Is medicine really what I want to do? And if it is, is it a realistic dream? Will I be able to cut it for the next two years of undergrad? I don't even want to think about the MCAT and applying for medical school. I've already heard too many scary stories of 4.0 GPA students getting rejected by every school they apply to. I keep telling myself not to think about it because it always makes me feel ill, but I'm really going to have to start to figure stuff out soon. But tonight, I'm not going to think about it. I just don't have the energy after the week I've had so far.

I'm incredibly excited to be home in a little over a week. I cannot wait to be back in Denver for a whole week. Golf, some relaxing, old friends, my own bed, free laundry...ahhh. It will be great. The Wednesday after Fall Break, Brian, Sandy, Kevin, and I are going to drive out to Denver for the Iron and Wine concert. It will be a tough day and a half with two eight hour drives back to back, but it should be a good concert. And then we have the Head of the Iowa the weekend of Halloween, which is always a fun regatta. The Frostbite Regatta is the week after that in Wichita. Not to mention, OAR is playing at Creighton on November 4th. And the the best part...DAVE MATTHEWS BAND on November 27th at the Qwest Center after a Thanksgiving spent at home. Then once finals are over, I'll be home again for 26 days...too bad there's not too much chance of golfing over Christmas break.

Seeing all the things I have to look forward to in the next two months makes me realize how I need to focus on the good things in life, rather than letting the crap depress me too much. I've been reading bits and pieces of a great book I haven't read in a long time whenever I have a couple minutes to spend trying to calm myself down. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom. I was first introduced to this book by my favorite teacher ever, Ms. Langfur. I still remember her reading excerpts to us before biology class in high school.

Some good lines...
"Accept the past as past, without denying or discarding it."
"Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others."
"Most of us all walk around as if we're sleepwalking. We really don't experience the world fully, because we're half asleep, doing things we automatically think we have to do."
"Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long."

And then a song I listened to today that really hit me...
"And this is our last time
We'll be friends again
I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am
And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone alone
And I've, and I've never been so alive"
Motorcycle Drive By, Third Eye Blind