sometimes all it takes is a little simplicity

yes, simplicity.

last night was a bad night. overall. not much else to say about it other than that. i want to forget it. only pain and realization and more pain.

today was good make-up for last night. i slept in a little bit then hacked around online some. i finally got the energy to take a shower. my parents left, so i went upstairs and threw in the two towers because i remembered that steph and i had watched the fellowship a long time ago, so it was time for the next movie. i fell asleep halfway through the movie, then woke up about 45 minutes later, went back to the chapter i fell asleep at, and continued on. after it was over, i did 5 minutes of hacking, then resigned and watched some of the broncos game...boo broncos for winning, especially boo san diego for beating the raiders. after that, i watched a little bit of the return of the king and then we ended up going out to dinner with my whole family. of course, there was drama...like there always is. at least we're consistent. driving myself to dinner was a good idea because i was able to remove myself from the restaurant very quickly and headed over to jack's house where i was finally able to relax.

he's a good guy. hearing about everything he has to deal with (new house, kid on the way, finding a job that will pay him enough) makes me realize that i'm supposed to be having fun while i can. and i'm most certainly not. i need to work on it. i don't want to grow up yet. i need to relax.

"every living thing on earth dies alone"

i wish it were different. maybe it is, maybe it isn't. everything i've seen thus far leads me to believe it isn't different. we don't care about each other. on the way home, i wanted to jerk the wheel just to see what happened because i didn't care. i would have been content.

i'm going downhill. and i'll try to enjoy the ride down as much as i can.

would you be there if it happened? would you cry? would you care? or is it all just an obligation to some abstract ideal?