confused and alone on a sunday night

that's about it really.

i'm listening to dave and contemplating things.

i'm reading a book by the dalai lama, called ethics for the new millennium for ethics class right now. i think i may be one of the only people who actually reads the whole assignment for class on tuesday, but oh well. reading it has made me think about a lot of things in totally different ways. some other time, i will pass on some passages from the book, but i will be in bed very soon.

today, i tried to do something that i thought would be more beneficial to the two people involved, but as it turned out, me trying to prevent unhappiness seemed to cause more than would have otherwise been caused. it doesn't really make sense to me. i really was trying to make things better. i had thought it out and weighed both expected outcomes, and i did not see this coming. these are the times when it starts to seem like we should always act out of our gut instinct, but that doesn't seem right either. and thinking about things doesn't work for me half the time because i make assumptions and then i get fucked by them. i don't know what the right thing to do it anymore. even if i thought i knew what it was, i would probably be wrong.

its all too frustrating.

i have to go to bed now.

countdown: 8 days, 15 hours, 17 minutes