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i got some of my golfing in today. i didn't play very well, but it was fun nonetheless. brian and i got to spend some time together, which was definitely good. i also got to see bob, lara, and dave, as well as rich, john, rak, and george. it was great weather for golf, so i am really glad i got out since the weather is supposed to get colder all the way through sunday. hopefully, i'll be able to get a few more holes in before i leave, perhaps on friday. i think i might stop by there tomorrow at some point to see jack since he'll be working and i didn't get a chance to talk to him when i was home over fall break.

since then, not much.

i'm trapped between trying to think and not trying to think about it at the same time. it creates quite a chaotic situation inside my head. ignore it because it hurts sometimes, or think about how to make things better because there has been so much happiness there before? is it one-sided? am i long forgotten? i don't know what the answers to any of these questions are. i'm really not sure if there are answers.

i've been trying to figure out if it is real or not. i can't decipher my own emotions anymore.

and i just realized something very weird. i would like to know what it means. perhaps you will enlighten me...