ah, sunday morning

these weekends go so fast, i can't even believe it.

yesterday, i spent most of the day attempting to work on homework despite the very loud group of random people in my room most of the morning. i got my theology done and part of my latin before the afternoon yesterday. i have some physics to do before class tomorrow, and really, i should start studying for the exam on thursday, but i'm so lost already that i have no idea where to even start studying. it would be good if i got around to reading some biology, but i'm not sure it will happen.

today, i'm going to try to get my physics for tomorrow done this morning. then after lunch, i'm going to head over to west omaha to run a few errands. i'm going to stop by my aunt's house to see some family and do laundry. then i also have to go to westroads to return or exchange my jeans. i also need to find a sleeping mask somewhere. if i do anything other than those things, it might be superfluous or it might just be something i forgot i needed to do. we'll see.

i finished watching the lord of the rings trilogy last night. i started the fellowship last thursday, i think, and got through all three pretty quickly. it makes me wonder if i actually got all my homework done last week. hmm.

and now it's time to get to work.

what would you say?

it has been a long night. very long. it feels like it couldn't possibly still be friday night (or, saturday morning. whatever, shutup). it has all gone very quickly since i got back from weights.

the gist:

figure out details
quick shower
dinner at the student center
trip to target and no frills
met kelsey in the lied center
cleaned the room (damn, it looks nice. and by the way, i'm going to be keeping track of the room's, especially the bathroom, progression back to disgusting via photographs. i'm interested to see how long it takes. we shall see.)
wrapped presents/dishes
ventures with the new blender
kate opening her presents
sex and the city
spilled water (thanks, cat)
sit around talking
clean up the mess we made
make my bed

and now it is time to sleep. too bad i passed through my sleepy phase somewhere in between the spilled water and talking.

things i have to do this weekend include:

some laundry
homework (latin, lots of physics, theology, biology)
find eye mask so i'll be able to sleep even when ashley turns her light on in the middle of the night
return and/or exchange jeans from american eagle, if possible
hope the avs beat the canucks tomorrow (knock on wood)
and probably some other things i'll have to add along the way.

au revior.

trouble with you

the brightest star on a cloudless night,
some kind of miracle almost in disguise,
if i as sure as god is a monkey's dream,
ate that mushroom and believe what he see,

the trouble with you is
you always wanna find the fire
instead of warmng your hands by the fire side
the trouble with you is
you always looking way outside
oh, why not enjoy yourself by the fire side

just as the bite of the blade wakes the absent mind
there's time to dream and there's time to open your eyes
she said, just as the warmth of a kiss brings the love alive
its right by here by the fire where the answers lie

the trouble with you is
you always wanna find the fire
ohh, when you warmin' your hands by the fire side
the trouble with you is
you always looking for a while (way outside)
oh why not enjoy yourself by the fire side?

but you said,
why you always looking, always looking
she said,
why you always looking, out side
she said..

the trouble with you is
you always looking for the fire
when you warming your hands by the fire side
the trouble with you is
you always looking for a while (way outside)
oh why not enjoy yourself by the fire side?

the trouble with you
is you always lookin somewhere else
oh when what you see right there inside yourself
the trouble with you is
you always looking for a fire
oh why not enjoy yourself by the fire side?
oh why not enjoy yourself by the fire side?

she said
oh and not enjoy yourself sitting by the fire
she said...
the trouble with you...
the trouble with you...
she said

ugh

physics is incredibly frustrating. especially when i put in the right answer and it doesn't give it to me, and of course that was my last attempt at the problem. yes, i hate mastering physics.

i also hate when people don't come through for me, although it is not his fault at all.

this week has been too long. i'm just happy that today is thursday...two classes and that's it. and tonight i have to do latin sentences (but not all of them....what a relief) and study for my theology test. plus, we don't have physics tomorrow...huge bonus. except for that physics text next thursday. i need to get my act together for that one since i'm thoroughly confused about everything except for constructing circuits in lab. blegh.
we'll see how it goes.

i'm ready for the weekend.

really...

what do you do when everything you thought you knew about a person turns out to be wrong?

what about when you have no idea what the right words are? or the right actions, the right thoughts.

i can't do this anymore

i am so tired of this situation. every night it is the same. i go to bed between 9:30 and 10:15 and am woken up at least once a night. usually it is when ashley comes back in to the room and turns on her light (we're not talking about a small, dim desk lamp...no, no. this thing lights up the whole fricken room) to read for anywhere from half an hour to an hour before she turns it off and goes to sleep. the time she reads has been getting longer since she started reading a book instead of stupid magazines. sometimes i am woken up by her and erin just talking because they are completely unable to talk in voices less than high pitched almost-yelling. usually i wake up because i can hear them in the living room or in the bathroom, but there was one night where there were two rooms with closed doors between us and i could still hear them loud and clear. my favorite was the night they came back from the bar at 3:15 am and were literally screaming in the living room because they were so drunk.

well, she's finally gone to bed. perhaps she got the point of my angry typing.

i just hope i can fall asleep soon and get the most out of the next five hours of potential sleep, especially since i don't have time for naps before weights anymore.

blegh. i'm tired of it. i want to be able to have a decent night's sleep before practice.

another saturday morning

i'm listening to peter gabriel and trying to get the menial things done before the avs game, errands, and homework.

it's a little before noon and so far i haven't done much. i drove over to the bank to try and take care of getting my money back since those romanians went on a mini spending spree. that took about an hour and was mildly painful. the branches here are as bad as the ones in denver. i hate bank of the west. if i had any reason other than that, i would switch banks. oh, i guess i do...if i switched jay wouldn't be able to look at my accounts anymore. that would be good. hmm. we'll see.

i also am in the middle of a fairly massive amount of laundry. i'm just hoping that my new fleece crew pants and jacket will shrink. i don't care how much...any shrinkage would be a good thing considering how huge they are on me. damn my idiocy when i filled out the order. i must have been on crack for thinking mediums would fit. it also may have helped if i had known they were men's sizes. oh well. the pants are incredibly comfortable and i'm sure jay or my mom would want the fleece if it doesn't shrink.

i haven't done much else other than that, but i did get an email from my 11 year old cousin, andrew, which was quite entertaining. and i also downloaded a couple songs.

other things i need to do today:
trip to target for some random things
trip to the mall (preferably american eagle) to buy new jeans because my favorite jeans now have a hole in the ass
avalanche-red wings game at 1pm
good dinner somewhere

homework for the weekend:
finish reading beowulf
catch up on theology reading
physics reading/reading quiz/lab reading
latin sentences
bio reading/lab

and now its time to find some food.

here it is.

the schedule of the next few months of my life:

february
24th: flight to denver
25th: artma 2006 (missing the erg race vs. nebraska in omaha that day)
27th: flight to omaha

march
4th-11th: spring break training in austin, texas
11th: race vs. smu in dallas, texas
24th-25th: creighton relay for life
25th: race vs. tulsa at carter lake

april
1st: race vs. iowa and minnesota in iowa city, iowa
9th: upper midwest collegiate sprints at carter lake
14th-17th: easter break
22nd: race vs. drake, tulsa, murray state, and oklahoma city univ. at carter lake
29th: midwest championships in topeka, kansas

may
1st-5th: finals week
12th-13th: dad vail regatta in philadelphia, pennsylvania

i'm pretty sure that once we hit february, things aren't going to slow down for a minute.

loving the avs

seven straight wins. taking down the number one team in the nhl in overtime.

and i can't wait for the game against the red wings next saturday.

saturday morning

the first week of school finally ended. i can't believe it was only three days and still felt so long. i can't wait until i have to add tuesdays (physics and bio labs) and work to the week. that'll be rough.

last night was a night of ben and jerry's ice cream (the weight loss begins next week, i guess) and sex and the city. i enjoyed it thoroughly, except that kate had to leave early to work the swanson desk.

today...hockey and football. i'm going to try to get a little bit of homework done before the avs game starts at 1, but as soon as the game starts, i will remain on my lovesac until it is over. it would be amazing if they could be the flyers and possibly move into second place in the division. amazing! knock on wood. then, i'll probably try to get a little more homework done between the avs game and the patriots-broncos game, which starts at 7 or 8, maybe. i'll have to check on that.

tomorrow, i'll have to try to learn a lot of latin that i've forgotten since first semester of last year....eek! we'll see how well that went when i get monday's quiz back.

yep, time to start on the homework.

oh, and i must mention how much i love fire alarms at 3:30 in the morning that last for 20 minutes. for the first few minutes, i thought it was part of my dream...then i woke up and laid in bed waiting for it to end. mark it up as another fire alarm room 325 has not left the building for. i think we're way past 10 at this point.

i dropped my cap

but i picked it up again.

the day started out a bit rocky. i'm not even sure what happened or why. i came back to my room in shock and disbelief. i couldn't figure out what was going on at all. my horoscope answered part of the question: "your deepest feelings - including, and especially anger - will be easy for others to see at the moment." that was certainly true this morning.
we'll deal with it though.

i was intimidated by the though of my english lit class with fajardo-acosta for some reason, but after have been to it, i am now really excited for the class. he is funny and very energetic. i am looking forward to most of the readings, even though i have read a fair number of them previously.

after class, i went over to the theology department to buy the cds for my sickness, disability, and healing class so that i could do the assignment for tomorrow. i guess i'm stuck in the class now. that took awhile because the guy in front of me decided to tell dr. calef his entire life story...or so it seemed. after close to 25 minutes of waiting, i finally just had to knock on the door and interrupt them. side note: you've gotta love paying one of your professors with a batman check. then i made my way over to the bookstore to buy the other book for english...i knew it was too good to be true that i was getting away with only spending $110 on books for this semester. now i'm up to $180 and am still waiting for the bio lab manual, which will be another 10 bucks. well, sub-200 isn't too bad at least. especially not compared to the six hundred steph spent on her books.

i've got an hour before physics recitation, which i hope will just be the two assessment tests and then they'll let us go. i'm going to work on some homework and perhaps take a look at er.

tonight, i've got to work on lots of latin with steph (my new tutor!), do the theology assignment, whatever it is, and read some biology.

a night with the freshmen

i've finally figured it out. thanks to a quirky book of steph's that cat and i were leafing through tonight.

i haven't let go yet. i haven't given up on it. and i don't know if i ever will. you didn't say it well, but that's not the only thing i'm clinging to. even if you had, i'm not sure it would be any different at all. it's not in me to give up. it feels like i've just doomed myself to unending misery in saying that, especially given what happened tonight. i can't even get one night with you, away from it. it is always there calling you back. and i don't know if i will ever be able to beat it. it hurts so much i don't want to think about it, but it is ever-present in my mind. always.

doomed.

screwed up.

unwilling to give up and try to forget what used to be there.

hope will get me through these long, agonizing days and nights.

denver union station

well, here i am sitting at the train station waiting to get on my way back to omaha. they say the train will leave on time, but that it was running late the last time they checked...gotta love that rationale. we shall see.

it has been a very busy couple of days. i was in breck tuesday through thursday, where i became ill and am still trying to get better, though it is not working as well as i would have hoped. i watched the monsters by the names of andrew and grace on thursday night, which turned out not to be so bad. i rocked andrew at tony hawk on ps2 and then we all watched the pacifier before grace went to bed.

i hung around the house on friday, if i recall correctly. and friday night we had dinner with the whole family...all 15 of us. it became a bigger deal than it should have been, as usual, mostly because my grandparents were involved. it was good to get the whole family together one last time before everyone left, but it was also good to know that was the last family get-together for the season. after dinner, i went over to brian and jill's house, where we watched the end of the nuggets game, brian and i played mario golf for awhile (he beat me 10 skins to 7...it was crap), then we put in the stewie movie. we drank an entire bottle of tequila between the three of us via strawberry margaritas. i had forgotton how much tequila hurts my head until that night and the next morning.

yesterday i had lots of things to do. i started out with finally getting to go eat indian food with joan, but some other people tagged along. it was still fun though. the indian place in iowa city had much better food. after that, i took andrew with me to run some errands. we went to colorado mills to return something to the gap and to find my beloved 'un-petroleum' chap stick at GoCo. then i dropped andrew off at brian's, and jill and i went to go spend our gap gift cards at southwest plaza. i was unable to find enough to spend my whole giftcard, especially since i don't fit into gap pants very well. later on i took andrew home and joan and steven invited me to stay for dinner. i gladly accepted since my mom and dad were spending the night in breckenridge. we ordered from an asian thai restaurant and watched the emperorer's new groove (which i hadn't seen all at one time until then....good movie, but still not the best in my opinion). after that, i headed over to jay's girlfriend, kim's house for a "back to school party." i didn't know very many people there, but it was a lot of fun regardless. jay brought his ridiculous game and we had a lot of fun playing it. i will be putting up some of the pictures sooner or later, even though they make me look ridiculous.

today was devoted to doing laundry and packing. i watched a knight's tale while i folded my laundry and didn't do much else. i watched the steelers-bengals game and was disappointed to see cincinnati lose so badly, especially since i intensely dislike the steelers. and that brings me to the present moment: sitting on an uncomfortable bench in union station. i can hear someone listening to red red wine, with some interesting sounds added to it from the guy across from me fiddling around on his guitar. i keep thinking he is playing dave songs, but i can't pick them out. i'm quite certain he's playing a dave song right now, but i am disappointed with myself for not being able to decide which song it is.

that's about it. time to sit back and relax...or something.

p.s. i seriously cannot figure out how a train that is reported as running 1 hour and 28 minutes late at 6:30pm between fraser and denver is going to be leaving on time. i swear, the people in charge of this dismal form of transportation must be on some entirely different level of thinking.

oh yea, and later on, i will have to talk about how much i love my aunt joan sometimes. she's amazing. and she always makes me laugh. but yes, later.

it's all getting clearer

Someone you just adore has been a bit distant lately, and it's making you crazy. It's also kept them on your mind an awful lot, which means you're distracted - and that means you're not paying attention to your work.


You are the light I follow. You are the face of a faith I love. Oh my darling, believe in me...I'll wait for awhile and I know what I let go, yes, I let it go. My fear is gone. You are the hope I cherish. You are the care of a prayer I love. Oh my darling, believe in me. In me. Believe in me.


there have been far too many thoughts of being alone recently. it's been very hard to deal with. i'm not sure what to do. the realization that this school year is half over already. the end of this semester will be hard to deal with, for sure.

my head is spinning. i want to scream.

i'm starting to get sick and now i have to pack and drive up to breckenridge.

the price is right

well, new year's was...interesting. i went over to paul's house and hung out with a lot of friends from high school, as well as some people i've only met once or twice, ie pete's girlfriend stephanie from creighton, and some guys i met at bossy's party over the summer. i didn't expect to see bryan and shane there, but it was good to see them again. bryan and i relived some notre dame grade school memories, which is always interesting. paul's dad dropped us off downtown about 15 minutes before midnight. we walked towards the clocktower and waited for the new year. there wasn't a countdown, so i was kind of bummed, and the fireworks weren't that great. i forgot my camera, so it was kind of a waste...oh well. we hung out downtown until after 1 and then started walking back to paul's. we hung out at his house and ate food for awhile, and i finally left around 2:45 or so when everyone started falling asleep.

new year's day was the designated day of our slaughter family christmas. we went to mass at sacred heart at 11:30, and then were at my grandparent's house around three. of course it was chaotic, like it always is. my uncle walked in the door and started giving people shit right off the bat. not surprising. we ate dinner, did the kids' gifts, then we did white elephant. i had a chance for a good gift, but i wasn't thinking, so i got something i'll probably end up leaving here with my mom. it wasn't even six when we were done with the presents, but it definitely felt like nine or ten. i'm sure it maybe could have been worse. at least it's over though.

yesterday was jay's birthday. i didn't get up until probably closer to 11. i hung out here reading, while my parents were out doing i don't know what...running errands? our family plus jill and kim, and my grandparents came over last night for chinese food, cake, etc. the chinese food was a pain...i had to go back twice because they screwed up our order. jay was pissed when he realized that the checks from my mom, my aunt, and me weren't made out to him, but instead to the dentist to whom he owes a thousand dollars for his gold tooth. it was quite funny...i enjoyed it, but he did not seem to so much. i was ridiculously tired last night for some reason and fell asleep pretty early.

jill and i are going to go see rumor has it today, soon, i think. i've also got to go over to best buy to pick up wedding crashers, which i really want to watch. and later this afternoon (around 4 or 5?) i'm driving up to breckenridge to meet my parents, and i think chris and ella are up there still too. i'll board at a-basin tomorrow.

break has gone by incredibly fast. i can't believe i leave on sunday already. it also scares me because i don't know when i'll be back home again since i'll be in texas for spring break. it seems pointless to come home for easter, so i don't know if i'll come home then either. i wanted to come back for artma in february, but that would only be a weekend, and since i found out southwest isn't flying from omaha to denver, i don't know what will happen. that seems really sad to me. i guess we'll see when the time comes. i still haven't gone golfing since i've been home, and i'm not sure i'll have time to. i didn't buy the r5 and i've only been over to pinehurst once. ben also kinda screwed me over...i'm not entirely surprised, so i'm trying not to be too pissed off about it.

enough for now, i've gotta go.

happy new year!

2006! woohoo!

that's about all i have to say about it right now, but i will, i'm sure, have lots more to say when i wake up in the morning.

but for now, cheers for a good year in 2006!

i love you all. and i miss you tons.