bloody sunday

yep, given all the news i've received in the last hour, i kind of really want to throw up. thinking about all these things is so distressing. i don't know what to do. i think i was ok yesterday, but now everything from friday night is coming flooding back.

no one ever likes to know that they're replaceable. that's what i feel like now. replaced. and forgotten. there's even another one of me. it's not me being talked about. and that makes it all so real. i've been replaced by someone with the same name. how perfect.

i just want to forget about it and get through the day, and then it will be the week and i will be consumed with my busy daily schedule of practice, class, work, homework, and sleep. i won't have time to think of all this pain, but of course it will still be there. seeping out of my heart into the rest of my body.

and that's enough for today. i won't allow myself to feel it anymore. ...ah, i wish i could pull that off. oh well, it was a good try at least.

i just want some consistency. is that too much to ask for?